Parental Alienation Syndrome
Dean
Although some people cringe at the way we turn common social phenomena into "syndromes," the truth is that there are certain social pathologies which can be identified by certain traits that are documented to occur over and over again. One of these is Parental Alienation Syndrome. I believe that if you read about it, you will probably know people who it describes perfectly. I know I have seen it many times, and it's almost always very ugly. The patterns are instantly recognizable once you see them in action.
Somewhere in all our fulminating about "deadbeat dads," we ought to be doing more to recognize this particular pathology.
In my case it was the opposite. My father did everything he could to try to get me to go with him for custody (I believe because he didn't want to pay child support). My father's family even turned on him. I remained very close to my grandparents and great-grandmother, but only vaguely so with my father. To this day, he still hasn't met two of his granddaughters (and his grandson only twice), even though he makes enough money that he could drive his self up here to see them.
My dad was deadbeat, he even admits it himself. He feels guilty for it, and tries to buy stuff he can't really afford to 'make up for it' and honestly, no child wants their parent's money. We want their love, that's all. And blessidly I've got it from both my parents, in their own ways, and it's unconditional (not that I'm that bad compared to other kids in my extended family...).
Honestly though, I really wish some 'mommies' would grow up and stop smearing dad. I also wish some 'daddys' would grow up and act like adults that helped bring a child into the world. The way both sets behaves are detremintal to their children (boy or girl) and they really need to recognize that.