Dean's World

Well, where to begin?

I just found out that my mother was arrested. It's difficult to describe the range of emotions this brings up, but they're probably not what you would think.

Last night, during one of her most profound delusional states (her level of lucidity varies like the weather in Chicago), she once again was believing that the FBI, the Department of Homeland Security, and illegal aliens from Mexico were tapping her phones, monitoring her from outside her apartment, and planning to get her, and she apparently completely lost control.

The 911 call center in San Antonio has received so many phone calls from her over the last year or so that they no longer respond to her. (That's right. She calls 911 so often they now just hang up on her.) But apparently a neighbor, noticing just how loud, irrational, and dangerous her behavior was, called on her behalf. Police had to be called in when she physically attacked the emergency medical technicians who responded.

No one was seriously hurt thank goodness, and it looks like she's to be held for 30 to 60 days by the state of Texas for psychiatric evaluation.

While Rosemary and I are quite open on our weblog about our private lives, this is something I normally wouldn't bring up. After all, it's my mother, not me. However, we know that my mother has been privately corresponding in email with a number of people who read our weblogs. We don't mind this per se--she's not a well woman and she does need friends--but we have no idea (well only some idea anyway) what she's been saying to people.

Of the few of you that I know have been corresponding with her, I have tried to explain that she is mentally ill. Most of you believed it but I'm not certain you understood just how deep the rabbit hole goes. For years my sister and I have been convinced that she's schizophrenic, and not just mildly so. I've spent endless hours poring over medical texts, including the DSM-IV, and I'm quite certain we're correct about this.

I could fill your ear with endless details, but let me just put it this way: Did you ever see A Beautiful Mind? Yeah, well, it's pretty much exactly like that, only not (so far) with a happy ending.

However, she has frustrated any and all attempts we've made to get her properly diagnosed and treated. She's been in and out of psychiatric care, usually short term, and usually diagnosed as having either nervous or mood disorders, and treated with tranquilizers or antidepressants. But she would never let us talk to any of her doctors, and any time we've tried to explain to police who've been called during one of her violent episodes, they've told us that unless they specifically witness something beyond erratic behavior there's nothing they can do. And she always pulls herself together and manages to behave normally when authority figures are around.

Now we've apparently got her in a place where she's going to be under direct observation--and since the law is involved, we're pretty sure we're going to be allowed to at least talk to those doctors. The woman is far more mentally ill than most people ever suspect.

We're going to do our best this time, and here is where I'm hoping some of you might be able to help:

If she's been sending any of you any weird emails, I'd very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY much like copies of those. At least if there's anything in the least bit odd in them. Showing those to doctors should aid in a proper diagnosis, for I have no doubt that they'll show things that simply make no sense for a normally stable person to say.

We get mails from her all the time, so I can tell you there's nothing she could have told any of you that would embarass or anger me. Nothing. It won't be anything different from what I've heard before from her--I've known this woman is insane for almost 20 years now, and you have no idea how many weird things she's told me about herself, about me, about relatives, about friends, and about people I've never even met--or people who quite possibly don't even exist.

My sister will be travelling to Texas soon and will be doing everything she can to talk to my mother's doctors and give them as much documentation as possible. I can't go, but I can certainly telephone and, more important, forward to my sister any emails I've received, or that anyone else has received, that document bizarre behavior or beliefs.

So I normally wouldn't ask, but if you've got any emails from this woman, please, I need to see them. Don't worry about violating her privacy because she's very, very ill and needs your help, not your protection. Nor are you going to embarass me.

Just send it, please. We have an opportunity here, one that may not happen again for a long, long time. God knows, the next incident with the police might not end so well.

If you've heard from her, please tell me about it. Please.