Dean's World

Some months ago, I told my friend Sheila how to make her some authentic Texas chili. It is an amazingly simple recipe. Indeed, any fool could do this, even someone who can't cook. It seems like a good time now to bring it back up. It's Labor Day weekend, after all. So for this weekend, wouldn't you like to learn how to cook something? Something so mind-bogglingly simple, any fool could do it?

Here is the Dean Esmay recipe for chili, as I wrote it a few months ago. I dare you to try creating this:

Chili is a Texas creation, a Texas invention, and a Texas tradition. It was created as a cheap food for cowboys, one that could easily be made while riding the hard trails, and that would also travel well. In other words, it was quick and easy to make, but could be made to serve lots of people over a long period of time. Following the herds across country, a group of cowboys could start a pot of chili, and continually add meat scraps and fat to the pot over the weeks as they traveled--and it only got better as the trail went on.

Indeed, one of the secrets to good chili is that the longer you cook it, the better it gets, and if you let it cool down and reheat it, it continues to be not just edible, but to improve with time.

The great problem is that most benighted souls believe foolish things about chili. Having never actually eaten the real thing, they often have the foolish notion that chili has noodles in it, a cringeworthy notion to say the least. However, almost as bad is the odd notion that chili is supposed to have beans in it. Or tomatoes.

Think about this for a minute. Chili is cowboy food. Food made by and for cowboys traveling across the ranges away from civilization, in the 1800s. There were no canned tomatoes, and certainly no fresh tomatoes on the trail. There were no pasta makers. And there certainly weren't any beans--beans require you to soak them in water for a day or more and then boil them for hours more just to make 'em edible. Chili is fast, easy food, and is made up of nothing but ingredients you can travel with safely without refrigeration, or scrounge while you're on the trail. That really means only a few things: meat, chili powder, and possibly a few wild leaks, onions, or a little garlic. Maybe a few wild vegetables on top of that, but damned little.

So let me set y'all straight: real chili has no pasta, no beans, and if it has tomatoes, onions, green papers, or any of that in it, it ain't got much. All that other stuff may make for an interesting flavor, but the more of it you add, the further away you are from real chili. Maybe you like that other stuff, but I'd encourage you to at least once try the real, authentic chili, just so you understand what you're really doing when you throw in frills like beans, tomatoes, or [shudder] pasta.

Here's how to make real cowboy chili. Start with the following ingredients:

2 lbs coarsely ground beef (not lean!) 2 ounces of animal fat (bacon grease or beef suet--the pork fat's a little better) 2 cloves minced garlic 1/2 cup chopped onion 3 tablespoons chili powder (McCormick's is authentic enough, although you can mix your own with cumin, ground red pepper, oregano, cumin, black pepper and salt if you're aggressive enough)

Yes, that is the entire ingredient list!

First, render your pork or beef fat--basically, fry it over a low heat until it melts. An iron skillet is best if you want to be really authentic. Remove the rinds from the fat, if any. Then add in your ground beef--again, course ground is better. Brown the beef over medium heat, just so it's nice and even--do not overcook! The meat should be nice and tender is all. As it browns, go ahead and throw in the chopped garlic and onions.

Do not, repeat, DO NOT drain ANY of the fat off.

Once the beef's brown all around, slowly start sprinkling in the chili powder, stirring smoothly and steadily as you sprinkle it in. Once it's all in, slowly reduce the heat, and let it simmer at a very low, mildly bubbling heat for at least two hours. Check and stir occasionally.

Add a moderate--I said moderate!--amount of salt to taste. You shouldn't need much though!

You'll notice the consistency changes rather dramatically over time. It will get thicker and thicker. As long as the heat is low and you have already mixed in the chili powder thoroughly you can add a little water if it gets too thick, but keep in mind that it's supposed to be thick--real chili fans will tell you that a spoon should stand up if you stick it into a bowl of real chili!

That's it. Two hours and it's ready to eat. However, the longer it cooks, the better it'll be. Four hours, six hours, no problem. Start it in the morning and eat it for dinner, no problem. Refrigerate and reheat the next day, even better still. You can't cook it too long.

Sound boring? You'll be blown away with how good it is. Bonus: if you're on a low-carb diet, you should notice that this is a very low-carb recipe. A cup or two of this stuff should not mess up anyone's low-carb diet. When my wife was pregnant and on a low-carb diet, I made this for her at least twice a week!

Adventurous things to experiment with:

A fresh, sliced jalapeno or two will add a nice kick. A SINGLE fresh tomato chopped into the mix isn't too far from the original to be sacrilegious. A single chopped green pepper might not hurt either. However, I encourage you to try the plain original recipe at least once, to understand what basic, plain old chili is really before you start experimenting with frills.

And remember: real chili can't be cooked too long!

Hope you enjoy it, and I hope you'll try the real thing at least once in your life!