If You Had To Choose
Dean
Via Sheila and Terry Teachout, here are my 100 choices. What are yours?
1. Fred Astaire or Gene Kelly?
If there were anyone in history I wanted to be born as besides myself, it would be either Frank Sinatra or Gene Kelly. So Kelly of course.
2. The Great Gatsby or The Sun Also Rises?
Gatsby.
3. Count Basie or Duke Ellington?
Ooh, chocolate or strawberry ice cream? I'll take Basie and regret having to choose.
4. Cats or dogs?
Cats. I've met dogs I like, but most are annoying and obsequious.
5. Matisse or Picasso?
There is no artist more overrated than Picasso. I'll take Matisse.
6. Yeats or Eliot?
George or T.S.? Assuming you mean George, I'll take her.
7. Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin?
Keaton without question.
8. Flannery O'Connor or John Updike?
Hate to admit it but I don't know either of them well enough.
9. To Have and Have Not or Casablanca?
Casablanca.
10. Jackson Pollock or Willem de Kooning?
Pollock is both overrated and wonderful. Pollock.
11. The Who or the Stones?
Painful choice. Sticky Fingers or Who's Next? Argh. Ultimately, I have to choose Keef. The Stones.
12. Philip Larkin or Sylvia Plath?
Sylvia Plath was a self-absorbed, fucked up woman.
13. Trollope or Dickens?
Dickens, although he's also overrated.
14. Billie Holiday or Ella Fitzgerald?
Oh my God. The hearbreaker vs. the belter. I'll choose the hearbreaker--Holliday--and regret having to choose.
15. Dostoyevsky or Tolstoy?
Don't know enough, but probably Dostoyevsky.
16. The Moviegoer or The End of the Affair?
No idea.
17. George Balanchine or Martha Graham?
Ugh. I'm stupid. I don't know either one well enough.
18. Hot dogs or hamburgers?
If it's Chicago, I'll take the red hot. Otherwise, the burger.
19. Letterman or Leno?
Letterman!
20. Wilco or Cat Power?
Duh?
21. Verdi or Wagner?
I love Sterm und Drang, but Verdi.
22. Grace Kelly or Marilyn Monroe?
Have you ever noticed that women find Marilyn Monroe incredibly sexy? I think 75% of women would have a lesbian affair with Marilyn if they had a chance. Me? I think Grace Kelly was truly sublime by comparison.
23. Bill Monroe or Johnny Cash?
Bill Monroe may matter more in the long run, but The Man In Black always wins.
24. Kingsley or Martin Amis?
[sigh] I suck. I have no idea.
25. Robert Mitchum or Marlon Brando?
Play it, Sam.
26. Mark Morris or Twyla Tharp?
Duh?
27. Vermeer or Rembrandt?
Rembrandt.
28. Tchaikovsky or Chopin?
Tchaikovsky is fun. Chopin.
29. Red wine or white?
Depends on what we're eating. But absent food, I'll take white.
30. Noël Coward or Oscar Wilde?
The pretentious queer or the pretentious queer? I'll take Wilde, he was so damned clever.
31. Grosse Pointe Blank or High Fidelity?
Grosse Pointe Blank!
32. Shostakovich or Prokofiev?
Prokofiev.
33. Mikhail Baryshnikov or Rudolf Nureyev?
Ouch. Baryshnikov in a squeaker.
34. Constable or Turner?
No idea.
35. The Searchers or Rio Bravo?
Rio Bravo.
36. Comedy or tragedy?
Tragedy.
37. Fall or spring?
Fall. Much more interesting.
38. Manet or Monet?
Monet.
39. The Sopranos or The Simpsons?
The Simpsons have jumped the shark. The Sopranos.
40. Rodgers and Hart or Gershwin and Gershwin?
Rodgers and Hammerstein suck. Rodgers and Hart are not too bad. The Gershwins are always good.
41. Joseph Conrad or Henry James?
Ugh. I suck. I don't know these guys.
42. Sunset or sunrise?
Everything really interesting happens on or after sunset.
43. Johnny Mercer or Cole Porter?
Please. Porter.
44. Mac or PC?
I'm a Microsoft Certified Systems Engineer. Macs without a doubt.
45. New York or Los Angeles?
LA Sucks. New York rules.
46. Partisan Review or Horizon?
Partisan Review.
47. Stax or Motown?
STAX BABY! I'm southerner born and bred. The Tops and the Temptations and Aretha are wonderful, but I'll take Carla Thomas, Booker T. and the MGs, Albert King, and Otis Redding any day of the week. ("Sittin' on the dock of the bay, wastin' time....")
48. Van Gogh or Gauguin?
Van Gogh. I didn't need that ear anyway.
49. Steely Dan or Elvis Costello?
Haven't you ever noticed that every Steely Dan song sounds like every other Steely Dan song? Elvis all the way.
50. Reading a blog or reading a magazine?
Blogs.
51. John Gielgud or Laurence Olivier?
Olivier was overrated. Gilegud.
52. Only the Lonely or Songs for Swingin' Lovers?
Songs for Swing' Lovers, as great as Roy Orbison was.
53. Chinatown or Bonnie and Clyde?
Bonnie & Clyde were for real. I grew up with people like them. 'nuff said.
54. Ghost World or Election?
Don't know either.
55. Minimalism or conceptual art?
Minimalism.
56. Daffy Duck or Bugs Bunny?
Ouch. In my heart, I know I'm secretly Daffy Duck, but Bugs is the shiznit.
57. Modernism or postmodernism?
Postmodernism must die.
58. Batman or Spider-Man?
Ouch. The quietly seething, animosity-filled avenger vs. the constantly angst-filled guy who always wants to do the right thing? I'll take Batman, only because Batman might actually be possible.
59. Emmylou Harris or Lucinda Williams?
Lucinda.
60. Johnson or Boswell?
Don't know who Boswell or Johnson are.
61. Jane Austen or Virginia Woolf?
Woolf. But Austen's cool.
62. The Honeymooners or The Dick Van Dyke Show?
Jackie Gleason and Audrey Meadows were just plain brilliant. So was Dick van Dyke in his day, but, The Great One will always win.
63. An Eames chair or a Noguchi table?
The chair.
64. Out of the Past or Double Indemnity?
Duh?
65. The Marriage of Figaro or Don Giovanni?
"Yell & scream & rant & rave
It's no use you need a shave
(oh ouch ouch oh ouch oh oh ouch)
There, you're nice and clean
Although you're face looks like it might have gone through a machine..."
Verdi.
66. Blue or green?
Green.
67. A Midsummer Night's Dream or As You Like It?
I don't even like Shakespeare. But I'll take As You Like It.
68. Ballet or opera?
Opera!
69. Film or live theater?
Film. Sorry broadway fans.
70. Acoustic or electric?
Acoustic.
71. North by Northwest or Vertigo?
North by Northwest.
72. Sargent or Whistler?
Ack. Probably Sargent.
73. V.S. Naipaul or Milan Kundera?
No idea.
74. The Music Man or Oklahoma?
Meredith Wilson was a genius. Music Man.
75. Sushi, yes or no?
YES!!! With lots of Wassabi, please.
76. The New Yorker under Ross or Shawn?
No idea.
77. Tennessee Williams or Edward Albee?
Williams.
78. The Portrait of a Lady or The Wings of the Dove?
No idea.
79. Paul Taylor or Merce Cunningham?
No idea. Man I'm a neanderthal.
80. Frank Lloyd Wright or Mies van der Rohe?
Wright was a prick, but he was the best who ever lived.
81. Diana Krall or Norah Jones?
Krall.
82. Watercolor or pastel?
Watercolor.
83. Bus or subway?
Subways are too damned cool.
84. Stravinsky or Schoenberg?
Stravinsky.
85. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?
Peanut butter must be chewed. Crunchy.
86. Willa Cather or Theodore Dreiser?
Man I feel stupid.
87. Schubert or Mozart?
Mozart. Although have you ever noticed that he composed like a woman?
88. The Fifties or the Twenties?
The twenties baby! Let's have some bathtub gin and some braless women!
89. Huckleberry Finn or Moby-Dick?
Ouch. Huck. Only because I could have been Huck, and I probably couldn't have been Ishmael.
90. Thomas Mann or James Joyce?
Joyce.
91. Lester Young or Coleman Hawkins?
Hawkins.
92. Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman?
Dickenson.
93. Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill?
Ouch again. Double ouch. Triple ouch.
Lincoln in a squeaker, only because he freed the slaves, and there's little I hate more than slavery. I only hate Nazis a little less.
94. Liz Phair or Aimee Mann?
duh?
95. Italian or French cooking?
Italian!!!
96. Bach on piano or harpsichord?
Bach was designed for harpsichord.
97. Anchovies, yes or no?
I used to hate them but I grew to love them. Especially on a fresh Caesar sald. So yes.
98. Short novels or long ones?
Novels should be exactly as long as they need to be but no longer. So I guess short.
I guess.
99. Swing or bebop?
A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I got a gal who lives in Kalamazoo-zoo-zoo....
100. "The Last Judgment" or "The Last Supper"?
The latter.
71. North by Northwest or Vertigo?
North by Northwest
72. Sargent or Whistler?
Whistler
73. V.S. Naipaul or Milan Kundera?
Who? (Ok, I vaguely know but never read either.)
74. The Music Man or Oklahoma?
Oklahoma
75. Sushi, yes or no?
Sushi and plenty of Wasabi is fine (I'm sitting here snacking on Wasabi-covered peas at the moment). You can keep the sashimi.
I'll rent Music Man if you rent Election.
2. The Great Gatsby or The Sun Also Rises? The Sun Also Rises.
3. Count Basie or Duke Ellington? Nixon.
4. Cats or dogs? Cats!!!!
5. Matisse or Picasso? Matisse probably. I prefer Mondrian to both.
6. Yeats or Eliot? T. S. Eliot probably.
7. Buster Keaton or Charlie Chaplin? Buster Keaton I think.
8. Flannery O?Connor or John Updike? O'Connor I think.
9. To Have and Have Not or Casablanca? Casablanca.
10. Jackson Pollock or Willem de Kooning? Pollock.
11. The Who or the Stones? The Who. "Tommy".
12. Philip Larkin or Sylvia Plath? Phillip Larkin.
13. Trollope or Dickens? Dickens.
14. Billie Holiday or Ella Fitzgerald? Ella Fitzgerald has a sexier name.
15. Dostoyevsky or Tolstoy? Dostoyevsky by far! "Tolstoy is the former Russia, Dostoyevsky is the coming Russia." -Spengler
16. The Moviegoer or The End of the Affair? Spiro.
17. George Balanchine or Martha Graham? Agnew.
18. Hot dogs or hamburgers? Hamburgers usually.
19. Letterman or Leno? Spiro Agnew.
20. Wilco or Cat Power? Cat Power. Just on the name alone.
21. Verdi or Wagner? Wagner.
22. Grace Kelly or Marilyn Monroe? Marilyn Monroe, esp. since you mentioned women lusting for her.
23. Bill Monroe or Johnny Cash? Johnny Cash.
24. Kingsley or Martin Amis? Probably Kingsley Amis, though Martin wrote a good book against Stalin.
25. Robert Mitchum or Marlon Brando? Robert Mitchum.
26. Mark Morris or Twyla Tharp? Twyla Tharp. The name.
27. Vermeer or Rembrandt? Rembrandt.
28. Tchaikovsky or Chopin? Tchaikovsky.
29. Red wine or white? White.
30. Noël Coward or Oscar Wilde? Oscar Wilde.
31. Grosse Pointe Blank or High Fidelity? High Fidelity. The name.
32. Shostakovich or Prokofiev? Shostakovitch.
33. Mikhail Baryshnikov or Rudolf Nureyev? Baryshnikov I think.
34. Constable or Turner? Turner.
35. The Searchers or Rio Bravo? W. Cleon Skousen.
36. Comedy or tragedy? Tragedy.
37. Fall or spring? Spring (as prelude to summer).
38. Manet or Monet? Monet.
39. The Sopranos or The Simpsons? I stopped watching TV with the Simpsons, so the Simpsons it is.
40. Rodgers and Hart or Gershwin and Gershwin? G. Edward Griffin.
41. Joseph Conrad or Henry James? William James.
42. Sunset or sunrise? Sunset.
43. Johnny Mercer or Cole Porter? Beethoven.
44. Mac or PC? PC.
45. New York or Los Angeles? New York.
46. Partisan Review or Horizon? National Review.
47. Stax or Motown? Stax was the best cereal I ever ate!
48. Van Gogh or Gauguin? Van Gogh.
49. Steely Dan or Elvis Costello? Haldeman.
50. Reading a blog or reading a magazine? A blog.
51. John Gielgud or Laurence Olivier? Lawrence Olivier probably.
52. Only the Lonely or Songs for Swingin? Lovers? Only the Lonely sounds more like me.
53. Chinatown or Bonnie and Clyde? Bonnie and Clyde.
54. Ghost World or Election? Depends on which election.
55. Minimalism or conceptual art? Minmalism.
56. Daffy Duck or Bugs Bunny? Daffy I think. I like both.
57. Modernism or postmodernism? Premodernism.
58. Batman or Spider-Man? Batman!
59. Emmylou Harris or Lucinda Williams? Both sound like they could be sexy.
60. Johnson or Boswell? Johnson.
61. Jane Austen or Virginia Woolf? Ayn Rand.
62. The Honeymooners or The Dick Van Dyke Show? Both were good, but Jackie Gleason was fatter so I'll take him.
63. An Eames chair or a Noguchi table? Stylistically, probably the Noguchi table.
64. Out of the Past or Double Indemnity? Double Indemnity is probably un-Constitutional.
65. The Marriage of Figaro or Don Giovanni? The Marriage of Figaro.
66. Blue or green? Dawn or Wanda? I love both, but blue. Dawn.
67. A Midsummer Night?s Dream or As You Like It? Both were very good, but A Midsummer Night's Dream.
68. Ballet or opera? Opera.
69. Film or live theater? Live theater.
70. Acoustic or electric? Electric.
71. North by Northwest or Vertigo? Vertigo.
72. Sargent or Whistler? Whistler, I think.
73. V.S. Naipaul or Milan Kundera? Ehrlichman.
74. The Music Man or Oklahoma? The Music Man.
75. Sushi, yes or no? Yes!
76. The New Yorker under Ross or Shawn? Whichever was before.
77. Tennessee Williams or Edward Albee? Rebozo.
78. The Portrait of a Lady or The Wings of the Dove? The Portrait of a Lady.
79. Paul Taylor or Merce Cunningham? Murray Rothbard.
80. Frank Lloyd Wright or Mies van der Rohe? Frank Lloyd Wright.
81. Diana Krall or Norah Jones? Camille Paglia.
82. Watercolor or pastel? Watercolor.
83. Bus or subway? Subway.
84. Stravinsky or Schoenberg? Stravinsky.
85. Crunchy or smooth peanut butter? Crunchy!
86. Willa Cather or Theodore Dreiser? Willa Cather T think.
87. Schubert or Mozart? Mozart.
88. The Fifties or the Twenties? The Twenties! Art Deco, Krazy Kat, women's hairstyles....
89. Huckleberry Finn or Moby-Dick? Moby-Dick.
90. Thomas Mann or James Joyce? Thomas Mann.
91. Lester Young or Coleman Hawkins? Revilo P. Oliver.
92. Emily Dickinson or Walt Whitman? Emily Dickinson.
93. Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill? Both were outstanding, but I think Churchill if I must choose.
94. Liz Phair or Aimee Mann? Condeleeza Rice.
95. Italian or French cooking? French, but I love both.
96. Bach on piano or harpsichord? Harpsichord.
97. Anchovies, yes or no? Yes.
98. Short novels or long ones? "Atlas Shrugged" was way long, but I love "The Fountainhead", which was a bit shorter, even more.
99. Swing or bebop? The John Birch Society.
100. "The Last Judgment" or "The Last Supper"? The Last Judgement.
(Of course, the more athletic ballets of today require stick-figure ballerinas, the lighter the better, so that the guys can throw them around easily.)
And you call yourself a man? Rose, kick his ass for me.
2. The Sun Also Rises
3. Duke Ellington
4. Cats
5. Matisse
6. Yeats , Eliot was a snob. They made us read the Waste Land, what a waste.
7. Charlie Daniels.
8. Flannery O'Connor
9. Casablanca
10. Jackson Pollock
11. The Grateful Dead then the Stones
12 Dickens—mandatory high school stuff
14. Ella Fitzgerald---after Aretha
15. Dostoyevsky but Tolstoy auch du Leiber
16. The Thomas Crown Affair
17. Martha Graham—Pegleg Bates was better
18. Hamburgers—Actually I prefer filet mignon on a bun.
19. Letterman ---Leno is a crossword puzzle.
21. Verdi – Ahhh Guiseppe
22. Grace Kelly over Marilyn DiMaggio
23. Johnny Cash was king.
25. Marlon Brando—grossly over-rated
27. Rembrandt
28. Tchaikovsky and Chopin.
29. Red wine
30. Oscar Wilde—another nut case
31. Grosse Pointe Farms
32. Prokofiev.
33. Ballet sucks
35. Rio Bravo---corny but good.
36. Tragedy.
37. Fall
38. Monet
39. The Sopranos
40. Rodgers and Hart
41. Joseph Conrad .
42. Sunset or sunrise
43. Cole Porter
44. Mac---Bill Gates sucks.
45. New York –New York sucks too but not as much as LA.
48. Van Gogh of course
50. Reading a blog --no scanning a blog
51. Laurence Olivier
52. Only the Lonely
53. Bonnie and Clyde—Clyde was a jerk.
56. Daffy Duck.
57. Modernism
58. Batman
59. Emmylou Harris
60. Johnson –not Ben, Arte
61. Jane Austen
62. The Honeymooners
63. Noguchi table—but not Dr. Noguchi, the LA coroner
64. Double Indemnity
65. The Marriage of Figaro
66. Green.
67. A Midsummer Night's Dream
68. Ballet sucks.
69. Live theater
70. Acoustic
71. North by Northwest or Vertigo---both
72. Whistler.
73. V.S. Naipaul
74. The Music Man ---eeek
75. Sushi, Hai, domo.
77. Tennessee Williams—Cats on Roof
78. The Wings of the Dove
80. Frank Lloyd Wright
81. Diana Krall
82. Watercolor
84. Stravinsky
86. Willa Cather
87. Mozart--Beethoven had more soul...
88. The Fifties
89. Huckleberry Finn---Mark Twain—the best American writer
90. James Joyce-He's great but who the hell can understand him ?
91. Emily Dickinson
93. Abraham Lincoln or Winston Churchill---both
95. Italian
96. Bach on the organ in a great old church..
97. Anchovies, no----pepperoni si
98. Short novels or long ones----avoid them.
99. Swing or bebop---get a life.
100. The Last Supper.
Do you have any short questions ?
Of course we all lose our tempers now and then. Dean freely admits to being imperfect in this regard, which is why regulars to this establishment will generally be cut more slack than people who we don't know very well.
Still: behave like an adult, or go find somewhere else to play. Thanks.