One of the most profound quotes I ever read in my life was from Nancy Reagan. It was from a totally unrelated-to-politics-essay spread on Alzheimer's. I believe Peggy Noonan quoted it. I so wish I had the source but alas, I wasn't blogging then and it wasn't important at the time to keep a link. But it touched me so that I've never forgotten.
Stories of people who have been touched by this horrible disease. I cried through the whole thing.
Nancy's offering was how she and Ronnie had such an amazing life with so many great experiences. She often caught herself saying to him "Remember when....?"
And realizing that he didn't. He couldn't. And how she shared so much with him and couldn't reminisce. It broke my heart. I remember sending it along to a bunch of people because it needed to be regarded.
I lost a lot of respect for someone who replied "Don't send me any of that crap ever again".
Just because he didn't like Reagan. I was stunned...how could something like that be offensive in any way and not touch you deeply no matter who it involved?
As one who's also lived an extraordinary life I can understand the angst. I too, would pain inside if I had no one with whom to share my experiences.
My old neighbor, Gordon "Slim" Burt was and still is part of my only personal brush with Alzheimer's. He lived in the house adjacent to my back fence and I used to see him feed the birds, squirrels... and give my dogs a bone every time he went into his back yard because they would shout at him relentlessly every time he made an appearance, knowing they had a treat forthcoming. He'd walk to his garage, get two Milkbones and make his way to the fence where Odin and Jed stood waiting. It took him forever….an old man’s labored steps. I watched this for months from my garden, never saying a word, tears in my eyes.
The following Christmas, I decided to introduce myself and made up a gift bag with peanuts for the squirrels, a box of dog biscuits, some bird seed, and some Hershey kisses.
He greeted me warmly and took me inside to introduce me to his wife.
She showed me her shoes. All of them, taking out each pair and proudly iterated how much she loved them.
I knew right then and there that she was ill. I think I was the only one at the time who saw the dimming of her mind and knew exactly what was happening.
Four months later she was in a nursing home. Slim drove there three times a day, everyday, through snow, rain, and thunderstorms to feed her breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Never once missing a meal with her until she died 2 years later.
And after that, I watched Mr. Burt begin to fade.
He’s in a nursing home now himself, unable to carry on.
I miss seeing their clock, pendulum swaying , so dependable…. through my office window into their kitchen…the house belongs to a new family now.
And not a day goes by that I don’t think of her as I tie the laces of my sneakers. And regret that I cannot remember her name.
I hope Nancy is ok.
Mrs. Reagan is tough. She'll do as well as anyone can. She must have an astounding support network.
(And of course, it's always good to not have to worry about the material end of things.)
I am continually thankful that my grandparents are (knock on wood) sound in mind and body.
I hope Nancy is ok too. Thank you for sharing your story. I heard that they were going to have a riderless horse with boots in the stirrups turned backwards to signify that the 'rider would ride no more' at the funeral.
There's was a great love story. The 118 freeway was jammed all night with people going to the library to pay their respects to the President and Mrs. Reagan. They kept the library open until 6 this morning with buses shuttling people out.
The 118 travels east and west here near Simi Valley, California where the library is located. The freeway is also called the Ronald Reagan Freeway. It's about 10 miles from my house.
Sondra,
Thanks for high-lighting the human side of Reagan's death. I don't care what your politics are, that man suffered an ignominous end that many Americans are living. I have great sympathy for Nancy and the Reagan clan; watching someone diminish is a slow hell.
Katherine...
thanks for appreciating. I have a broken heart right now that even I can't comprehend.
A riderless horse....
how profound.
I grieve.
Sondrak: what a beautiful and heartfelt essay. I found that I had tears in my eyes when you described the wife showing you her shoes. Goodness. So tough.
My grandmother has Alzheimer's. It is very tough indeed.
Thanks again.
As I recall, John Kennedy's funeral included the riderless horse as well. We cried and cried. Sad, sad moments.
My heart grieves for Nancy. Ronnie has been gone a long, long time. She has been missing him for years. I'm not so sure she will be okay. She is 82, exhausted and frail by the look of her. She has a tough spirit but even so such toughness doesn't last forever. Her head resting on his flag draped casket gave all a glimpse of her love and grief. God, death is sad.
Thank you SondraK.
I'm sick of seeing posts like this (on another site) ... "It's too bad he had to die in an election year. It will turn into nothing but a Republican love-fest."
I thought Liberals were *supposed* to be the compasionate ones (?!?! ... ???)
I found your story so very sad SondraK. Gosh, not looking over there to see that precious couple anymore. How very thoughtful of you to care so much for them and miss them as you do.
I feel so sad for Nancy as well. He may have left her mentally long ago but she still had his beating heart and could put her arms around her dear Ronnie.
Yes, her frail body upon the flag that drapped across the coffin has me feeling she will go home soon as well. Those things happen so often when couples have been together so long. Oh how sad this is. I truly loved Reagan as our president.
SondraK:
Did you hear the story, when Reagan was in the grip of the disease he went for a walk with his Secret Service detail. I think by this time he was mostly out of it. He passed a house that had roses in the yard. He entered the yard and took one when the Secret Service guy told him that "that's not our house Mr. President." Reagan replied "But they're for my lady." That just brook my heart. Its bitterest and sweetest for Nancy now.
And I really think the liberals hate him, in part, because he loved a woman so completely they became "one flesh." Not two people across a no-man's land of ideology.
"At the last moment, when his breathing told us this was it, he opened his eyes and looked straight at my mother."
"Eyes that hadn't opened for days did, and they weren't chalky or vague. They were clear and blue and full of love. If a death can be lovely, his was," Davis wrote.
That gave me goosebumps on my goosebumps and blinded me with tears...still.