This is one of those items that floats around in email, but since my wife sent it to me I couldn't resist:
But then she blames you for making her gain weight.
The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and
he takes his very life into his own hands. This is a
handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
license in the wallet of every husband or "significant other".DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Gee, you look good in brown.
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's fifty dollars.
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a cappuccino with that?
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some chocolate.DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRASAFE: Here, have some more chocolate.
See, we're not that complicated!
Well that is true Katherine, I agree with YOU!
I got into one of those hormonal jams the other day. After I had the audacity to go to a game with friends, after telling her I was going to do so, she changed her mind and decided that it was no longer acceptable that I had gone. A six pack, a bag of Doritoes and $40 cash when I got home got it all cleared up. Gotta love when life is a caricature of itself.
I think that should be edited a bit:
DANGEROUS: *
SAFE: _______
Learn to say "you're not fat ... have more chocolate" with a straight face :)
Dean
There is no safety. At this stage the womanfolk will fly into orbit if you say they look like Helen of Troy. Simply say "Yes Dear" and drive on.
Several months ago (10-12?) Mrs duToit published the definitive description of women, in a letter to den Beste. I'll look for the link if it was missed by Dean/Rose.