Rose and I met through the internet. Personal ads, no less. I even wrote a very popular FAQ about it, although it's a little outdated now. Several online dating services wound up adapting it for their own needs and reprinting it on their sites, and it's still regularly re-posted to a group of personal ad news groups. I even had extensive contacts with the Match.com people when their service first went live.
People joke about online dating, but you know what? It's a fabulous way to meet people, as long as you have the right attitude: you will meet people you don't click with at all, and you might wind up with a few funny stories about weird dates and weird people. But you also just might meet the person you've always been looking for. It's very hard in this modern world to meet people, especially if you don't date people you work with, and this sort of thing is a perfectly sensible solution. It's not "desperate," it's sensible as hell. My brother met his wife that way. My brother-in-law met his wife that way, and they just had their first baby. Another buddy of mine recently proposed to a woman he met through eHarmony. Not a single one of these people is or was stupid, desperate, or psychotic.
Online dating has one wonderful feature that normal dating doesn't usually have, by the way: you both know, up front, what you're looking for. You bypass that entire embarassing and uncomfortable dance: "Are you marriage-minded, do you want kids, are you just looking for a good time, are you just looking for a friend, will I look desperate if I reveal my true desires?" POP, you're right past all that bullcrap, and can concentrate on feeling out whether you've found the person you're looking for or not.
It's not the only way to meet people. But it's a damned good one, so long as you keep your head screwed on straight. I dated seven women I met that way (and several I met more traditional ways) over a period of almost a year. A few weeks after meeting Rosemary, on a beautiful summer night in July, I got steaming drunk with my friend Steve. A very old neighbor lady of his accidentally locked herself out of her house, and I put my left fist through her window to break in and get her back into her house. My knuckles bleeding, I then walked back into Steve's house, called up Rosemary--this was around 3 AM I think--woke her up, and said, "So, are you going to marry me or what?" She said maybe. "I think it's pretty much inevitable, you know," I said. She said okay.
The next morning I woke up with a hangover, stinging knuckles on my left hand, and a chill in my gut. Had I actually done that? Yes, I had. We agreed to back off a bit, but a few weeks later I proposed again. We married that December 15, one of the happiest days of my life.
The heart knows what it knows, even when the head doesn't. Indeed, it helped us to create this.
Having looked at just about all the online dating services out there at one point, I really think eHarmony.com is the very best. Their approach is stronger and more sensible than any I've ever seen. They're much better than Match.com, for example. I signed up for it just to check it out (no, I'm not looking for a new relationship, I just wanted to see how it worked) and it's absolutely rock-solid. I'm convinced that it's worth every penny, and that the 30-day free trial makes it worth giving a whirl. If I were single again (which I hope to God I never am) they're the first service I'd choose.
So here's my free piece of advice for you: if you're single, and don't particularly want to stay that way, get off your duff and do something about it. At worst, you'll gain some funny stories, and at best, you just might find the rest of your life just sitting there waiting for you.
* Update * For the curious, here's the personal ad that got me a wife. The funny part is, she wasn't even looking, she just stumbled on it by accident. Man, just re-reading it brings back great memories. Jesus, it was nine years ago. I was such an ass at that age. Now I'm an even bigger ass, but I'm a happier one!
I signed up with one of those sites about a year ago, but not a bit of luck with it. But I know it's worked like magic for others.
It's not how you meet, it's who you meet.
...and I would agree that eHarmony is the best. They are the only service that digs below the surface. They don't just do a picture and a paragraph; they make a serious try at matching you with other like-minded people based on an extensive profile that you complete before you even get any matches.
That's how I met Miss Julie from Baton Rouge; we're getting married this summer.
Congrats to you and Julie!!!!
Someone should start an "Opposites Attract" dating website. It'll go out of its way to match black with white, liberal with conservative, rich with poor, etc. It'll be the ultimate (sick) experiment.
I'm the timing of this post just a coincidence?
Dang, that's wierd.
You forgot to put the HTTP:// at the start of the URL, Joe. This one should work...
I met my wife, on local BBS system called the "Dearborn Connection". It was right before the Internet exploded in popularity. Rose heard about my success and just for "fun" looked on the usenet personals and found you. Over the years I gave up trying to explain what a BBS was and said we met of the internet. Life was easier that way.
I got to tell you Dean, I thought Rose was nuts to marry you so fast. But looking back on it, I'm glad she did..
Someone tell Steven Den Beste!
eharmony's mission is to create happy and long-lasting marriages, and if we cannot match a person for success, research indicates that it is better not to match them at all.
holy toledo. no pressure.
I'd definitely go the eHarmony route if I hadn't met my hubby 11 yrs. ago on Prodigy. It is most definitely possible to meet your lifemate online.
I've met many great women online. Only met a relatively small number of psychopaths, too.
I met my husband online, as did my brother and sister in law. We both used Yahoo personals, which was just ad-based, back in the days when it was free. I also used Match when it was new but nothing came of it.
For me, education is very important, so I can't stress how important it is to use proper spelling and punctuation. If you're looking for an intelligent, educated woman, then take a little time to run your ad through spell-check and know the difference between "your" and "you're." Remember this is your first impression so put your best foot forward.
Hmmmm. I met my husband blogging, which is, I suppose, a bit roundabout and a bit unusual, but it certainly worked. :)
We're one of three couples I know offline who met online...both of the others used Christian dating services (I don't know which ones) and are very happily married.
I met my wife on BitNet's equivalent to IRC in 1989. Been happily married 13 1/2 years.
Congrats to you and Julie!!!!
Thank you, Rose.
I think it's a great alternate source of meeting people.
The big problem with online dating is for too many people, it's a lame attempt to pretend you're dating. NotDating(tm)is the answer.
Seriously - I know a lot of people who emet online or through newspaper personals. The key always seems to be you have to have two level headed people actively working to find their special someone and they have to be ready to do so.
Not that I'm a dating expert or anything. Just a man in a furry suit.
I've known a ton of people who had great luck with online dating services. Some are married now.
This is the second ringing endorsement I have heard for eHarmony.
I went the Match.com route - and had a pretty uninspiring time.
Dean,
That may well be the best personal ad I have ever read. I would have answered it too. I think the ad makes a difference. Yours is honest, caring, funny, complete, provocative, and just a little bit mysterious. Good job.
Just in case anyone is thinking about writing ads, it's important to rehearse them and maybe read them to someone who will let you know if they would date you based on what you wrote.
Congratulations to you and your beloved.
When I see an FAQ article that suggests Usenet as a spot to place personal ads, I know they've been online ever since the movie Tron came out. :-)