Credit goes to Miss Julie from Baton Rouge who first told me that joke.

Greetings, by the way, from the bayou.

Then there's the one about the insomniac agnostic with dyslexia who stayed up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Q: What do you get when you cross a role-gamer with a Christian fundamentalist?

A: I'm not sure, but he goes around converting the monsters instead of killing them.

And then there's the one about the dyslexic diabolist who worshipped Santa.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Mafioso with a postmodernist philosopher?

A: Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.

What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?

Elaphino!

Joke found here:

A Baptist preacher wanted to get a dog for his family. Being fundamentalist, he knew he had to get a Baptist dog.

Upon visiting one kennel, the pastor tested the dog by commanding: "Fetch the Bible." The dog picked a Bible from a nearby bookshelf and brought it to him. "Find Psalm 23" caused the dog to leaf through the pages until he found the right one. Impressed, the pastor bought the dog.

When he got the dog home, his wife asked if the dog could do any regular tricks. The pastor didn't know, so he commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up, placed a paw on the pastor's head, and began to howl.

The pastor was distraught. "We'll have to return the dog; he's Pentecostal."

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes I am."

George W. asked him why he was so uppity.

Moses replied, "The last time I spoke to a Bush I had to spend forty years in the desert!"

Q: Why should you never ask one Baptist over to watch football with you, but instead always invite two?

A: Invite one, he'll drink all your beer.

Invite two and neither of them will drink a drop!

What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

No one to talk to during orgasm.

Then there's my church, Millenarian Buddhists of the Heartland. Our motto: Be Here Now, Before It's Too Late!

There is a Jewish variant of the dog joke, in which the pet kvetched when told to fetch.

Q. What did Mary say the first time she had to change Jesus' "swaddling clothes"?

A. "Holy s__t!"

I'll go stand in my corner now.

What's the difference between a Baptist and a Methodist? The Methodist will say 'hello' when he sees you in the liquor store.

Jesus arrives at an inn, hands the innkeeper 3 nails and asks if he would put Him up for the night.

I think Mr. Longmire wins.

Late to the party, but what the heck?

Jesus and his family were going through a town when he saw that the townspeople were going to stone a prostitute. He walked up, held up his arms and said, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!"
A lady in blue dashed up, picked up a huge rock and crushed the prostitute's head.
Jesus turned to her and said, "Dammit ma, sometimes you piss me off."

I know, I'll see you in hell.

Q: Why do Baptists oppose making love while standing up?
A: They're afraid it might lead to dancing.