A friend whose son will be 18 within a few years recently asked me how I'd feel if my son were drafted to fight in the current conflict overseas. My son is only 6, so it's a hard question to answer with confidence. Except that I know it's a question that millions of parents faced in the Civil War, in World War I, World War II, Korea, and Vietnam. So I have to think that there's nothing unique about what I have to say.
I have conflicted feelings about the draft. In general, I think there's something fundamentally un-American about using the draft in all but the most dire circumstances. Quite honestly, if a democratic republic is involved in a war and cannot get enough of its young men to volunteer to serve, the country ought to be asking itself if this is a conflict it ought to bother fighting. In general, I am philosophically opposed to impressing people into military service except in times of dire emergency. I believe there are justifications for such a move, but I don't think the draft was appropriate in either Korea or Vietnam.
I also believe that the all-volunteer services generally perform better than draftees anyway. Of course, many draftees have served their country with honor and distinction, but it's impossible to deny that many draftees resent being forced into service and that a higher-than-usual percentage of them perform poorly just because of that resentment and unwillingness. If they were to bring the draft back in the current conflict, I'd suggest that draftees be immediately put into National Guard and Reserve units, to cover those duties so that the volunteers who signed up for those services (and agreed to be deployed full-time if necessary) could go off and do the dirty work.
But that's neither here nor there. I'm getting far afield.
If my son were to enlist, I would be proud of him and encourage him in every way. I would put a bumper sticker on my car and fly a banner for him every day. I'd show the picture of him in his uniform to anyone who would look.
I would also propably spend the next several years not sleeping much.
If he were killed, I don't think I'd want to live. I'm not sure I'd survive very long afterward, unless I had other children to tend to. But I'd never tell him that. I'd only be sure to tell him, before he left, how much I loved him, and how much I hoped he'd take care of himself and be careful, and how proud I was of him, and how much I believed he was doing something honorable and noble. I'd write him every day, send him packages and gifts as often as I could, and show his picture to everyone as often as possible.
If he were drafted, and went willingly? All of the above still applies.
If he were drafted unwillingly? I'd ask him why he was unwilling. I'd talk to him at length about it. I'd probe him a lot about it. If I thought his objections were thoughtful, informed, and principled, I'd support him in seeking Conscientious Objector status.
If his refusal to serve was basically just that he was afraid, I'd be ashamed of him, and I'd tell him so.
That's the honest truth of the matter.
I pretty much agree with all of that except the fear part. Anyone short of a fool would be afraid at the prospect of being marched into a war. If that fear overwhelms someone, no sense having him in a war zone. I sure wouldn't want to be standing next to him. I certainly hope you don't have to go through what I am going through. If my son says he can't, I'll believe him. If my son says he won't, I'll be ashamed.
I didn't say I'd be ashamed of him from being afraid. Only a fool would not be afraid.
I'd be ashamed of him if that were his reason for not serving.
I don't know why you would be ashamed of someone who admitted he feared being killed or feared killing others to the point where he didn't think he could do the job. Generally speaking, I believe soldiers have more of an issue with taking another person's life than with themselves being killed.
I'd have a problem if my son told me he didn't believe in the US and the things that it stood for and he could give a rat's a$$. Then I would feel ashamed.
Thanks for the thoughtful answer. As you might imagine, I've been giving it a lot of thought myself.
As has my son.
That's the thing: he's almost an adult now and he has his own life to live, his own choices to make, his own mistakes to avoid (if possible).
Sometimes letting go is the hardest thing.
If my Godson were afraid, and that was his sole reason for not going, I would support him. I would never be ashamed of him.
The USA is the most powerful military force on the planet. The USA should by rights squash their opposition with minimal threat of losses.
I'm a sports geek so I'll put it in sports terms. It would be like the Detroit RedWings taking on a Peewee Hockey team. An instant squash. If anyone had the chance to join the Wings, they would do it in a minute because there is no real risk of losing.
If an 18 year old boy was unwillingly drafted and he was afraid, its obviously not Redwings vs. PeeWee. Its more like Detroit vs. New York Rangers. Obviously, the likelyhood of winning was still there, but it would be alot tougher.
So no, I wouldn't be ashamed of my Godson aka your son. I'd be supportive of him.
The last thing I'd want to have happen is for him to know that his Father and Godfather were ashamed of him, just before the MP's came and got him and FORCED him into service...
Jerry
PS. My buddy Paul is a National Guardsmen from Michigan and he was just given his mobilzation order. He leaves for a year tour in Iraq in December or January. So if my above post seemed a little anger fueled, its not directed at you Dean. I'm just bummed in general..
my little stepbrother (hardly little, but 15 years younger than me) is going to join the Navy. Part of me winces. But part of me is proud. He's been a spoiled kid and I think it'll do him good, and *I* am proud that he chose the Navy. Most of the men in my family were Navy.
I was "warned" by mumblings in the media that O'Brian had a thing against America. However, in reading his Aubrey/Maturin series, I discovered (through his characters) a certain amount of respect and awe for the early American military. Aubrey was singularly impressed that the Colonials did NOT use press gangs to round up sailors for their Navy. Every single soldier on the vessels was there VOLUNTARILY...and their competence in giving the vaunted British Navy a run for their money was evident.
I think being a volunteer military is one of the reasons why American soldiers are the best in the world. The Vietnam era was shameful on so many different levels. I would hate to see the draft again. It will get the exact same reaction.
My son's National Guard unit is going to be deployed to Iraq sometime in late January or early February. I'm not thrilled about it, let me tell you. But, as he says, it's an important job and someone's got to do it.
As for the draft, perish the thought.
My son turns 18 next years and was pursued by a recruiter a few months back. He’s expressed an interest in the joining the Marines (like his uncle). He’s a wonderful young man, very bright, great social intelligence, handsome and fit. But he is less self-disciplined than my wife and I were at his age (at least the way we remember it) so Paris Island would probably do him some good. Next year, when he’s a bit more mature, I’ll support and encourage him if he makes that choice.
But it scares the crap out of me that he might have to serve under a Commander-in-Chief that takes his war policy lead from political hacks such as Willaim Kristol and Karl Rove and the guiding foreign-policy vision is some pie-in-the-sky ideology in which we secure ourselves by projecting our military anywhere the president decides without regard to genuine public support or the general hostility toward America those actions might create. Perpetual war indeed.
Yeah. What shep said.
You're a good man, Shep. Confused sometimes, but basically a good egg.
Dean: Quite honestly, if a democratic republic is involved in a war and cannot get enough of its young men to volunteer to serve, the country ought to be asking itself if this is a conflict it ought to bother fighting.
. . . or the country ought to be asking itself if it's worth defending.
"If my son were to enlist, I would be proud of him and encourage him in every way. I would put a bumper sticker on my car and fly a banner for him every day. I'd show the picture of him in his uniform to anyone who would look.
I would also propably spend the next several years not sleeping much.
If he were killed, I don't think I'd want to live. I'm not sure I'd survive very long afterward, unless I had other children to tend to. But I'd never tell him that. I'd only be sure to tell him, before he left, how much I loved him, and how much I hoped he'd take care of himself and be careful, and how proud I was of him, and how much I believed he was doing something honorable and noble. I'd write him every day, send him packages and gifts as often as I could, and show his picture to everyone as often as possible."
That pretty much describes my life since the first week of July. My oldest son will graduate from armor training in the U.S. Army in one week, and will be on his way to his first duty station in South Korea within the month.
Every time I talk to him on the phone or write him a letter, I make a point to tell him how proud of him that I am, and how much I love him.
From a completely different point of view...I don't know what my dad would think if I told him I was thinking of enlisting once I graduated from college. I know what my mom would do - she's completely freak out. I'm 23, and I've considered it for the last few months. I have three younger siblings, but my parents have never viewed me as THE "strong one" out of all their kids. It's not that they're against me being in a military uniform - they just probably wouldn't think I'd make it.
I think I can.
But I haven't approached a recruiter yet. I know how serious a commitment it is, enlisting in the armed forces. I don't want to just "think about it" and then impulsively jump at it; I want to be sure first. 'Sides, there's school to finish...
"bumper sticker on my car"--you betcha. It says "Proud parent of a Sailor".
"fly a banner"--blue service star banner in my window every day.
"picture of him in his uniform"--in my wallet, which is with me always.
My son has been in the Navy for about 2 yrs. now. Joining was one of the best things he ever did. So far he's been sent to safe postings, but he & I both know that could change any minute. Do I spent sleepless nights? Of course. But one of the reasons he joined was to give back to a country that had given so much to him. Another was that he sees it as his duty to protect his mom & little sister from those who want to harm us.
And I couldn't be more proud of him.
Back in Gulf War Part One I seriously tried to join the Air Force. I guess I thought that my umpteen years of work in intelligence as a civilian would trump the bad back and bad knees that kept me from enlisting in '75. (Sadly, it didn't trump bad back, bad knees, and being too old.)
Now, I'm a member of a Navy family that goes back to when boat motors were made of cloth (my father was the black sheep; he joined the Air Corps because they'd have him in combat before his appointment to Annapolis would have.) So I was no end surprised when he told me he wasn't disappointed that I hadn't been able to enlist. He never said anything to deter me, but he was happy not to have me going.
This is why I read your site Dean, you have a gift for typing out naked truth of emotion, yet you are not some fanatical spinnster.
When applying your words to my own child, i cried, and I completely agree.
A person that is too afraid to fight for their own freedom, and the freedom of this country is a sad sad being indeed. I would be ashamed.
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