Red wonders aloud, daring to hope that it might be true.
Sadly, I must reveal harsh, pitiless reality to her. Being but a woman, and a fragile creature as such, I hope that she can withstand truth's cruel blow. I fear that the vapors may overcome her. Yet somehow, I cannot stop myself from revealing what I know to be the awful reality. Which is that, no matter what comes next, we will spend the next 20 years hearing of their "epic romance." Which will, at some point or another, likely include their brief reunion, only to be torn asunder again. Because it was "not fated to be."
But wait, Red, wait! The cruelest cut is yet to come. For, before we die, our last memory of them will be the tearful interview with 78-year-old J-Lo. She will tell us how Ben, dead lo these 15 years of that fateful heart attack, was still the only man she truly loved. In part because, she will confide to the interviewer, no one could really give her a good rogering like he could.
Am I done? No, I fear not. I would not blame you for ceasing to read here and now, to avoid hearing the harshest truth of all. But if you have the courage, read on, to receive the deepest cut. It will sting mightily but, as Nietzche said, that which does not kill us makes us stronger.
So, are you ready? A shot of strong liquor will help. Because there is a thing that you must know, and know deep down in your soul. Because it is simply what is!
At some point, just before oblivion takes us, someone will finally utter these fateful words:
"They were our Hepburn and Tracey."
Weep for us. We are Generation X.
I never ever thought I would come here and read about Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck.
sweet baby jesus.
No quantity of strong spirits will assuage the pain.
I never had a shot at J-Lo, Viagra or not.
Oh, the humanity.
If I could stop laughing, I might be able to write something very touching to add to this tale of woe! I'm quite serious Dean, I have tears running down my cheeks. And your refrence to Hepburn and Tracey-floored me! Your first comment left here==I never thought I would come HERE, and read about J LO & BEN AFFLECK!
Just to think yesterday it was the fog- Today-Generation X, Classic, classic...
I dont give a damn about this famous, yet 2-bit 'ho!!! Shows how our society is gone to hell when we see so many people obsessing about this talentless woman who somehow is now a multi-millionaire celebrity.
Distinguished and honorable readers,
it can't always be about
what's happening with our leaders.
We the all knowing media
understand it's our duty
to report, fair and balanced,
what's going on with that booty.
Two bad actors almost got married instead of the usual got-married-for-a-day-or-two. Bigger news this century I have yet to hear.
Let's hope that the "vapors" will not overcome her, as - if memory serves me - that was a euphemism for flatulence. :-)
What a great imagination! With everything that is going on, I'm sure glad there is someone like you out there!
I have been working as an entertainer for over 30 years around Chicago, as well as traveling throughout the country and Europe.
I have been reading your blog for quite sometime now and had to tell you, things like this make people laugh and we need it. Thanks from all of us who make a living entertaining.
P.S. Your post on the racial problems and politics in Chicago was outstanding. Bravo!
Dean,
As a woman, as the "Red" to whom you address this tome, I must say that the harsh reality you convey stirs me to my very core. And not in an exciting way. As a woman, I cannot face the implications of your words. As a woman, I live primarily in the flutter of my own emotions, and therefore refuse to see your logic.
I fear that if I ever hear anyone refer to those two egomaniacs as "our Hepburn and Tracy" that I will promptly need smelling salts. Or - worse yet - I will be guilty of trying to bludgeon someone about the head and neck.
And yet ... thank you, kind Sir, for trying to correct me.
I fear, alas, that it will do no good.
Sincerely yours,
as ever,
The Redhead
Weep for us. We are Generation X.
I think I need that on a t-shirt...
Oh . . . my . . . God. That's the most hilarious, yet tragically poignant thing I've read all week.
If not Tracy and Heburn, perhaps our Frank and
Ava...complete with, in retrospect at ages 73 and 70, a life of unrequited love for at least one of them? Oh the drama, the tragedy. We all weep.
Dare I ask? 'Rogering?'
Yes, you dare ask. Rogering is a British expression, equivalent to the "smokin' pokin'" which Lileks mentioned in his bleat about J Lo and B Af. Making whoopy. Doing the deed. Getting some trim.
I knew I'd be sorry. :-)
Well, you really won't be hearing about Jennifer Lopez 40 years from now. Twenty years either either. Maybe not even ten years. Who now remembers (let me think about this for a minute...) Joey Heatherton? Fabian? Frankie Avalon? There are others too numerous to mention. They flowered briefly and brightly in the early '60s. Then disappeared into the woodwork of the dead careers of the aging quasi-talented. Which among the admirers of the Ben-Lo's, almost anyone over 32-33.
Oh well. Too bad. Sic transit gloria.
Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI
i think by so many of you talking and puttinig them down, ur only doing what they want you to do.
talk about them,put them down, but when you flip the channel and they are on E.T, or mtv news ect. YOU wont even go to take a piss during commercial
break, cause u need so badly something to gossip about on line,with friends, family,
the guy in the elevatore...