Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethaw today.

Before I met my wife I used up women like disposable razors and I was the biggest asshole on earth. I'm still the biggest asshole on earth but I show my love and devotion for my wife every day. I am religious, and I truly believe that she is my gift from God. Every time I pray, I ask God to give me the strength to be the best husband I can. Marriage is truly wonderful.

Jerry:

Bwah! Princess Bride, right?

Dean:

...I think government has a role in encouraging people to adhere to [marriage]. I suppose some will think that makes me very conservative, but it's honestly how I feel.

Wait, wait! I thought liberals were for big government??

Since when is a marriage license "big government?"

And since when do liberals oppose legal marriage?

Here's another good marriage-related blog: Marriage Debate.

Interesting, but I think they miss a point. I've watched lots of marriages fail (we all have). Leaving out the ones involving actual abuse and certifible mental instability, I've noticed a common thread. One member of the marriage looked down on the general gender of the other member. That simple. How much chance does a marriage have if the wife is putting down all males all the time? Or if the husband is putting down females?

Its funny (and pathetic) how many times I've been in a group of women that do nothing but bash men, and then can't figure out why men don't want to stay involved with them. Must be because "they're threatened by strong women". Sorry. Drifting. Oddly enugh, its not that my friends are flaming radical feminists. They're just modeling behavior they see as acceptable in society (male bashing). They don't get that you can respect men and STILL demand equal rights.

Yeah, yeah, don't tell me that male-bashing is a false syndrome created by some right-wing conspiracy. I'm tired of friends looking blank when I talk about something sweet my husband did for me. I know there's a few friends (with sweet husbands) that will say "wow, thats great" but most don't want to hear it. At first I thought it was because I can talk for HOURS about how nice my husband is (which must be boring for others) but then several happily married women mentioned the same thing happens to me. Surely we can't ALL be boring.

Matt Weeks (www.mattweeks.com) has an intersting point in "Marriage Strike" I had missed entirely from the marriage/divorce discussion: The question is not what behaviors lead to low marriage rates, but rather why do people (men) choose those behaviors. I had never thought about the current family laws as being anti-marriage in that the divorce laws can be seen as "slavery" for men. At first I thought "SEXIST"! Then, little reminders of the divorces I've seen started drifting through my head. Including, but not limited to, two that involved women who got married fully intending to get pregnant and then get divorced (how sick is that!). Hmm. Not saying thats all that common, but if I know two personally how many are there out there? Then, thinking about some of the divorce settlements (including one where the wife got 80% of salary plus the house and car plus the retirement funds) No wonder men are gun-shy.

I think the man-bashers are unhappy because their life is a self-fulfilling prophecy (same for sexist men). If you choose to always look for the worst in the opposite sex...that's exactly what you'll end up with.

To me, mutual respect for your partner is the most important thing. More so even then love. Because over time, love can grow from deep familiarity with someone you respect. But spend a lot of time with someone you don't respect (and/or who doesn't respect you), and no matter how strong the early passion may have been, you'll only end up with bitterness and resentment.

I'm not married - though not for lack of trying; my intended has been divorced twice and due to this double-burning is about keen to get married as PETA people are to go to a barbecue.

Still, its a long-term relationship and eventually I'll convince her (I'm thinking hypnotism or sodium pentathol) that its ok to get hitched to me.

Some of her friends a bit flabbergasted about me - the way I treat her and the things I do which make her happy even though they are not "guy" things - I'd guess the flabbergasted are among those with a negative attitude about men. On the other hand, since I got into this relationship (really my first relationship that can be considered serious in the sense that I, at least, am willing to take it to conclusions) I've noticed a lot of other relationships (single guys uninterested in relationships do not view others as being in relationships - only as other guys in competition and other women we haven't dated, yet) and it seems to be that most marriages are fairly strong.

There is a touching devotion in those who have been together for a while and who clearly understand each other without having to make an effort anymore. You know what I'm talking about - the difference between someone in a fresh relationship asking "do you think she'll like this?" and someone in a long term relationship saying "I'm going to do this because I know he'll love it".

The news, of course, concentrates on the unusual - and the baleful effect of this is to sometimes make the unusual seem usual. Bitter divorcees (sp?) are more unusual than happily domesticated and thus come more easily to our notice - and I think we've skewed our view.

Attn: Mark Noonan

Good luck with convincing her to marry you. I have a cousin that kinda tricked his girlfriend into marrying him. She was freaked because of her parents bizarrely bitter marriage/divorce. He understood this. Finally convinced her to co-habitate. (Yeah, yeah, that doesn't often lead to marriage but he had a PLAN!). Kinda like someone who is afraid of water might get into the ocean inch by inch. First, the toe. Then a foot. Then an ankle. Eight years later she realized he was serious about a "long-term" relationship (and that she could be pretty sure he wasn't some closet control-freak with weird habits/addictions since they started a business together and she knew where he was 24/7 literally). They've been married about 20 years. I hope it works out for you too!

You know, I've heard this thing about marriages failing and such, but all my friends, down to the last one, are happily married. None are divorced and none are in unhappy marriages -- and only a few people my own age or younger are divorced. I'm about 40.

Is there a generational divide here? Or am I in some kind of statistical anomaly?

... I meant to write in the second to last sentence, "...and only a few people I know who are my own age or younger are divorced."

Allison,

Not that she's money-grubbing, but after being burned for about 75K by her ex, she's a bit obsessed about financial security.

Two years ago, I was about as financialy secure as Enron. Having spent my entire adult life (18 years at that point) as a single guy, my financial planning revolved around just making sure I had enough money to go fishing next weekend. So, what I've been doing is re-training myself into a fiscally responsible person - only so/so successful, so far, but I'm vastly improved. I figure once I've got all the debts (hers and mine) paid down in about a year and about 5k just laying around in the bank, she'll get over her obsession.

Ara: Yep, you got it.

Mark,

Best of luck on both projects--fiscal responsibility and getting the girl. I hope the two of you will be together and happy 'til death do you part. :)

One thing most seem to forget is that in the Christian/Judeo world, Sodomy is a sin...a grevious sin! And if you play around in bed male with male and have "sex" you sodomize someone or each other and thus are (and are branded) a homosexual! If two women play around in bed and sexually arouse each other, (I call it "titallation") and they are, (and are branded) "Lesbians" -- the unisex word for all this is "gay"! So, what do you call it when a man (or woman) gives up sex with either gender?...It is called "Celebacy" and is practiced throughout the world by many (mostly religious) people and is their source of pride and is looked upon by most all as good! And they are not called "homosexual"! So what I am saying is that if you don't like the opposite sex for whatever reason you can be 'celebate' and you can still hold your head high and proudly in the eyes of your neighbors and your God, and you don't have to join a monastery or convent to do it either. But, you must always remember, that God said it is wrong to fuck a animal,(goat, sheep,dog, or whatever) and that it was wrong to have sexual relations with a person of your same gender; and that it makes him mad if you do so, and that is why he destroyed Sodom & Gemorrah! (At least that is what it says in the Bible)!

"Sodomy" is a sin according to Christianity! No, I haven't forgotten that at all. In fact, I've been hearing it all my life, every day, every hour, every minute, from people like Richard Wing here and many, many others like him. Isn't it great to live in a country where he is free to say it -- and I am free to disagree completely? He can preach it on a street corner, or on a billboard, or in the comment section of a blog, or in a blog of his own. He merely has to keep his opinions out of my bedroom, thanks to Justice Kennedy (Lawrence and Garner vs. Texas), and also thanks to the Second Amendment. Ahhhh, freedom! How sweet it is! And, thank you for the titillating description of Lesbians! The very thought of two women sexually arousing each other sexually arouses me!

I've studied these marriage movement people for several years, going back to my days as a legislative lobbyist working to reform divorce laws to make them less cruel to fathers and children, and I've concluded they hate men as much as the hard-core gender feminists do. Their take on marriage is that it's needed to "civilize" men and bond fathers to children, an extremely offensive view that ignores the fact that most child abuse is committed by women and stepfathers.

The marriage movement people also believe that coming down on men in divorce with punitive alimony and child support orders and custody orders that put total control of the father-child relationship in mom's hands are a good thing, feeding into the old and false stereotype that divorce is about the man running off with his hot young secretary rather than mom feeling the need for a lifestyle makeover and shedding dad toward that end. The reality is that it's women choosing divorce about four times as often as men, and generally for puny reasons.

The folks are not your friends, Dean - dig deeper.

Well I certainly may need to look closer at the Marriage Movement people. Much of what they say resonates with me, because I see marriage as a responsibility and an obligation first, and as being about "personal fulfillment" second. I also believe that both parties have equal responsibility in making it work. And I would certainly agree that widespread contempt of men is part of the problem with so many marriages failing.

So, thanks, I'll be more cautious, Richard.