I was sitting there at my computer, drinking a glass of wine and listening to some music. I was relaxing and contemplating the universe and life as we know it.
Then, in the middle of writing an email to a guy I'd recently disagreed with, it struck me like a bolt of lightning: I honestly, truly, knew the answer to everything. There would be no more war or strife in this world, and everything would be better, as long as we all understood one fundamental truth.
Do you know what that fundamental truth is?
You're all--all of you--just WRONG about EVERYTHING, and if you would just have the good sense to ACKNOWLEDGE that I AM RIGHT, there would not be a single bit of contention between us.
When will you all just grow up and admit it?
I propose a new standard: "What Would Dean Do?" Then there'll be no more of all this foolishess in the world.
Teamwork: A group of people doing exactly what I say:)
Now confusion reigns . . . I thought you liked contention . . .
"WWDD?" is already taken by Dogbert. :-)
Dean, you're close. What it actually comes down to is, "Bob" is right.
"What Would 'Bob' Do?" What the world needs is Slack, and Dobbs has got it. As for the pinks, you're quite correct: they're WRONG about EVERYTHING, and they're due for an untimely encounter with the Stark Fist of Removal.
That's your T-shirt slogan, Dean! Congratulations, you're gonna be rich!
Dean... I hope that means we never disagree because one fundamental truth I've discovered is that I'm always right... ;-)
I think your definition spells:
tyranny
I think your definition spells:
tyranny
I think your definition spells:
tyranny
I think your definition spells:
tyranny
I think your definition spells:
tyranny
Please excuse the stutter.
Damn, I thought it would have something to do with burninating.
I read a post somewhere the other day that the "please conform to me" approach is what is being used by conservatives as their guide to world peace. It was interesting -- the idea is that the U.S. invades every country that doesn't have a government exactly like theirs, and then [because everything is homogenized] there will be world peace. Frightening idea, no?
Fire and brimstone...
Dogs and cats living together...
Complete anarchy!
Pepper,
What? I can't hear you!
Nicole,
You heard wrong. The conservatives are NOT going to give every country in the world a government just like ours.
The rest of them are not going to have to put up with Democrats.
Well, Dean, if you in fact are perfect, there's only two possible responses.
1) Kneel down and pray to you five times a day, ass in the air, facing in the direction of metro Detroit.
2) Buy stock in you.
Inasmuch as I think religious belief is based mostly on untestable poppycock, and religious observance on some desire for self-flagellation, and that kneeling is uncomfortable for old guys like me, that leaves prudent investment, which, under capitalism, makes more sense than religion regardless of its merits.
So what'll be your New York Stock Exchange call letters? Will you sell franchises, and will they be exclusive? If some other perfect citizen ambles down the pike and announces himself, will your franchisees be able to stock them as well?
Are you developing a plan for mass marketing this perfection, working with your franchisees as described above, if any?
Etc.
Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI
Sorry - That job is already mine.
Invading all other countries that don't conform to our system of government is a fantastic idea. I hereby bless this plan, which means we can go ahead with it. We should of course start with Canada, then Mexico. Why didn't we do this sooner?
By the way, Nicole, I'm utterly enchanted with the notion that democracy=homogeneity. What's the link to this interesting article?
Dean,
May I suggest we start with France. Please. Pretty please. If you check out Dissident Frogman, you'll see why.
Dean:
Shut up. When I want your opinion, I'll give you one.
Dean, I agree with you completely, with one ever-so-slight difference (a trifle, really, a difference of semantics): the pronoun "I", which I assume you use with the intended referent of "Dean Esmay," should actually have the referent "Seth." Otherwise, an aptly-phrased concept.
Dean,
I didn't know you were French.
It seems that Dean needs a timeout.
Tim the Soldier
Dean:
Remember, perfection is 2% immaculation, and 98% public relations. Now what you need is some catchy way to draw peoples' attention to your perfection.
I'd recommend something like this multi-page online tract, chock full of bulldada™ about J.R. "Bob" Dobbs, and deliverance from the Conspiracy and the coming Alien Space Invasion:
This is, of course, only the eye-grabbing lead-in to a pitch for "Bob", and his Nameless Mission to restore the Slack which the Conspiracy has stolen from us!
I think you'd do well to take a few tips from "Bob"-- a tract like this, suitably adapted to "Dean", would really pack 'em in!
(Arnold: This is also in response to your request for more "untestable poppycock" and "self-flagellation." :) Herein is to be found bulldada™ exceeding your wildest imagination!)
Like Dean, I am right about everything. If I were wrong, I would change my opinion and then I'd be right.
Others have a right to be wrong. But they're still wrong.
God blessed this merry gentleman
This one called Dean Esmay.
Remember nice behavior,
Don’t cause him no dismay.
To save us all a fisking shower
Just do it all his way,
and you won’t give a feeling of dismay
To Esmay.
:>)
Now, Dean, you know you stole this from me, and if you think back, you should remember when, as well.... [grin]
Dean, you are so five minutes ago.
I have been saying for literally YEARS that all we need to do to fix the world is make me dictator of it. It'd be a perfect world then, boy.
At least, perfect for me.
For all the years I have known you, I think you have it absolutely right. You should have sat back and pondered that revelation with a glass of wine years ago! Hail, hail to Dean. If he says it, we just back this smart man up and wait in anticipation for more revelations!
I do hope all of you attend this pretty neat guys birthday bash! He is one of a kind!
No Paul, it's not Bob, it's Eris!!!
Just don't ever name a car after her, the chaos will cause it to break down forthwith.
And remember everyone, vote Cthulhu in 2004, why settle for the lesser evil?
Well that explains a lot.
I'm reminded of the INTJ prayer: Lord, keep me open to others' ideas, wrong though they may be.