That's a great insight and partially true. When females of the species openly insult each other, brutality is not far away. They excel, however, at indirect and subtle insults that are often not perceived as insults by the male of the species. That pattern can persist for years without open warfare.

I think the movie Swingers captured the male half of your observations perfectly. Hmm, what's a good movie that explains the female half?

Anthony is right, but sometimes if one can't tell when two women don't like each other he's not paying attention. True, the insults are subtle, but I think their primary modus operandi is indifference toward each other.

I think Dean has hit the nail on the head.

Dimwit!

I always thought that men were more civil as a learned behavior, due to a past of more violence. You would be less likely to banter subtle (or viscous) insults if you knew the result would always result in a broken nose or worse. This could make women more likely to get into a verbal tirade as the chance of physical violence would be less likely.

I believe that this is changing as women seem to be me more prone to physical violence against each other in some sub-cultures here in the US. I certainly don't have any real expertise in this area, just observed behavior.

Just a hypothesis

Aw, shaddap, Dean.

(See ya at the birthday party.)

With a staff of over 125 women currently and a long history of working with women, I've found subtle sarcasm begins first in comments to others. Progresses to a few subtle sarcastic remarks to the person or about the person to others in front of the person. By the time it's outright face to face sarcasm...beware. Someone is going to go down and the cat fight is on. I've had to break up more than a few of these..I keep my tetanus shot update.

My wife always gets po'ed when I say "women can't work together." Sure, that's a generalization. But I find it true. It is all too personal in the workplace.

My life has never been so miserable as the two times my wife had to work for other women.

for the most part most women hate other women, except the ones they already know.

Hmm, what's a good movie that explains the female half?

I don't know about explaining it, but I think Heathers illustrates it. It's one of my favorite movies from the '80s.

My wife (standing over my shoulder) suggests that most soap operas illustrate the female half. Which I'm sure will offend at least some women who hate soap operas.

Hmmm! Here's a provocative thought: would more men watch soaps if the males on those shows were more in the "shut up you stupid dumbass!" mold than the domineering world-straddlers that are so typical of those shows?

Geez, I dunno. Aren't girls and boys different?

If I disagree, am I stupid, or just dumb?

Anyway, my partner and I give each other shit all the time, but that's balanced by a lot of love and emotional support. Our overall interaction isn't much different from most straight couples we know.

On the other hand, with my non-romantic male friends we can be really harsh with one another as far as ribbing goes, though still there's always this point where all the posturing goes away and you can just say out loud that you love the big lug, even if he's a frickin' moron. And so on.

Having worked in a lot of female-only environments, I can definitely say that women are aggressive in a very different way from men most of the time. Could this all just be the male competitiveness thing? I recently listened to a spot on "This American Life" about testosterone and how powerful it is in the male psyche.

Women communicate in much more roundabout ways, in my experience. When a man has a problem with another man, the first tells the second what he thinks. When a woman has a problem with another woman, she tells her friend who tells your friend, unless she's really pissed, in which case she uses the kinds of tactics that Dawn mentioned. (The favorite tactic where I work is to whisper just loudly enough that the person you are pissed at knows you're whispering about her, but can't figure out what you're saying.) If I knew why or how to stop it I'd write a bestseller and get out of my all-female office.

Many women seem to view men as simplisme a la the French view of American politics and foreign policy...but then most men view most women as deceitful! :-)

Women can be vicious to eachother. Men on the other hand can bash the shit out of eachother, but be cool after the fact. Women drag it on and on. It's brutal.

Dean,

What you wrote is true enough, but you are a sanctimonious jerk with an over-inlated ego. You couldn't tell your ass from a hole in the ground with a contour map!

What a BONEHEAD!

This may sound ridiculous, but I've found "Men Are From Mars . . . " to be pretty spot-on with regard to its analysis and recommendations. To improve most heterosexual relationships, women need to speak honestly and clearly about their needs and men need to shut up and listen empathetically without offering advice.

Women often see a straight "Would you please do X" as a confession of their own weakness, which it isn't, and men often see "I had such a crappy day at work!" as an request for advice, which it isn't.

oh boys
boys boys
you really need to get out more
when two females insult each other
they might also be flirting
that last babe who insulted me
wound up in my bed

Ya got us there rossi.

Dean:

You arsehole

Hey there LT SMASH. Dean has a big ego? Where do you come from? Your last name cracked me up. Didn't Dean say his wife was right there over his shoulder? They have a life together we all admire & look up to. Watch your mouth LT.
I hope to see you at his birthday bash, this guy Dean has hundreds of friends that think, if Dean says it...the fundamental truth is...he's right and you are wrong!
See you at the party & lighten up :)

I think the idea that guys trade insults affectionately whereas women do it spitefully is true, as far as it goes, but there's a caveat: from my observation this is a very Anglospheric thing. I've had to be really careful with some of my Latin American friends (I live in Costa Rica) as the idea of snapping insults back and forth is not as common here, and you can inadvertently give real offense where none is intended.

Having said that, one of my favourite insult/teasing targets is a friend of mine who is Latina...she gives just as good as she gets (she killed me with a lightning fast comeback a couple of days back - thank god my buddy who was with me didn't know enough Spanish to catch it otherwise I would have had to kill him and dispose of the body).

Men find it difficult when, in an effort to include women into the male group, they put her down in a mocking, playful way. She sees it as macho hatred of women, and is ready to sue their a@@ off.

thats bull!!! I think deans been watchin too many movies lately. This may be true in our american civilisation although it will vary from place to place greatly according to culture.

Am I an anomaly? I have several really good female friends (im female) and we insult each other all the time. Whore and Bitch are what we come up with on a slow, unproductive day. We are really close, old buddies, more like sisters, and we love busting on each other. These are the kind of friends who will drop what they're doing if you really need them, while bitching about what a pain in the ass you are.

Am I an anomaly? I have several really good female friends (im female) and we insult each other all the time. Whore and Bitch are what we come up with on a slow, unproductive day. We are really close, old buddies, more like sisters, and we love busting on each other. These are the kind of friends who will drop what they're doing if you really need them, while bitching about what a pain in the ass you are.