Hey there Mr Muslim, Merry Fucking Christmas
Put down that book, the Koran,
And here's some holiday wishes.
In case you haven't noticed it's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate

There is no holiday season in India, I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings, and that is just absurd
They've never read a Christmas story,
They don't know what Rudolph is about.
And that is why in December I'll go to India and shout

Hey there Mr Hinduist, Merry Fucking Christmas
Drink Egg Nog and eat some Beef and pass it to the Missus
In case you haven't noticed it's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Hindu ass and fucking celebrate

Now I heard that in Japan everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several Gods, and put needles in their skin
On December 25th, all they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan, and walk around and say

Hey there Mr Shintoist, Merry Fucking Christmas
God is going to kick your ass you infidelic Pagan scum
In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do
So lets all rejoice for Jesus, Merry Fucking Christmas to you

String up the lights and light up the tree
We're going to make some revelry
Spirits are high, so I can tell
It's Christmas time in Hell!

Demons are nicer as you pass them by
There's lots of demon toys to buy
The snow is falling and all is well
It's Christmas time in Hell!

There goes Jeffery Dahmer,
With a festive Christmas ham
After he has sex with it,
He'll eat up all he can.

And there goes John F. Kennedy
Caroling with his son
Reunited for the holidays
God bless us, everyone!

Everybody has a happy glow
Let's dance in blood and pretend it's snow
Even Mao Tse-Tung is under the spell
It's Christmas time in Hell!

Adolf, here's a present for you.

Hitler: Oh? O Tannenbaum!

Satan: Yes, O Tannenbaum!

God cast me down from Heaven's door
To rule in Hell forevermore
But now I'm kinda glad that I fell
'Cause It's Christmas time in Hell!

Here's a rack to hang the stockings on
We still have to shop for Genghis Kahn!
Michael Landon's hair looks swell!
It's Christmas time in Hell!

There's Princess Diana
Holding burning mistletoe
Over poor Gene Siskel's head
Just watch his weenie grow!

For one day we all stop burning
And the flames are not so thick
All the screaming and the torture stops
As we wait for old Saint Nick!

So string up the lights and light up the tree
We're damned for all eternity
But for just one day all is well
It's Christmas time in Hell!

We've got to toast together, and make it quick!
We've gotta make room for Andy Dick.
Wake his mother and ring the bell

It's Christmas time...

(Christmas time... Christmas time... Christmas time...)

Christmas time...

(Christmas time... Christmas time... Christmas time...)