Because of what's been in the news, I've said or typed the words "Jew," "Jewish," "Israeli," "Isrealite," "Zionist," "Hebrew," and "Red Sea Pedestrian" (okay, not that last one) more in the last few months than I have in my entire life. I've had a number of Jewish friends, but I've never found that remarkable enough to comment on. Equally unremarkable has been that a number of my favorite writers are Jewish, which I never much noticed until I started thinking about it. I also think--and I am prepared to defend this proposition--that lox, bagels & cream cheese are irrefutable proof that the Jews are God's chosen people.
As a result of what's been in the news, I've begun thinking about Jew. Not Jews, mind you. Just Jew. You know. "Jew." Let's say it together: Jew. Jew, Jew, Jew. Jew? Jew! Delightful, isn't it? I often find myself wondering if any of my friends who happen to be Jewish know that I and many other Goyim (that's Yiddish for "people who look a little lost at the Deli counter") get a little thrill, and give off a little mental "tee-hee!" every time we say "Jew" out loud. It's like a school kid who thinks he may be getting away with something. And it was Dick Morris who got me to notice that it was more than just me...
It was an obscure incident. During the campaign of 2000, an attorney who happened to be Jewish (and what are the odds of that?) who once worked for Hillary Clinton said that she had called him a "f*****g Jew bastard." It was a minor scandal, but given that Hillary is a Democrat, it sort of went without saying that she'd be forgiven. I imagine few people even remember the incident.
At the time, though, there were a few news stories about it. Dick Morris (who happens to be Jewish, although you'd never guess it) was interviewed about it on one of the cable news channels. As someone who'd worked with the Clintons, he was asked whether he believed the story and what he thought the political ramifications were. The reporter, one of those blonde bombshells who've all but taken over cable news, asked him whether Jewish voters would forgive Hillary for using "the F word" or even "the J word." Morris gave her a strange look and assured her that "the J word" is okay to say.
I laughed so hard my beer went up my nose. Not because the "J word" question was silly, although it was. No, it was because I knew exactly what the poor girl was talking about, and Morris seemed so bemused. You see, my Jewish friends, we Goyim have been anxious for a long time as to what we're allowed to call you.
Part of it is that source of all evil in the world. You know who I mean: the Mormons. That entire religion of people straight out of the Brady Bunch? They're also known as the "Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints," and they run a lot of those touching family-values commercials on TV. Well, when those of us in our 30s today were growing up, they used to run a commercial about prejudice. In it, a little boy was talking to his grandpa, and mentioned that his Jewish friend was complaining about prejudice. He asked his grandpa what "prejudice" meant. His grandpa said that calling his buddy his "Jewish friend" was where prejudice begins.
I am convinced that the phrase "happens to be Jewish" came into common parlance almost entirely due to that commercial. Starting from the day I saw it, a tiny little part of my brain has kept me afraid to refer to "my Jewish friend" or even call someone a "Jewish" anything, let alone call him a Jew. Someone can't be a Jewish writer, he has to be a "writer who happens to be Jewish." He can't be a "Jewish Politician," he has to be "a politician who happens to be Jewish." Five years ago, I had both a lawyer and an accountant who were Jews, but God Forbid I should even notice such a thing!
We can't pin it all on the Mormons, though. I also came of age at a time when we were constantly lectured about the horrid dangers of the English language. Behind countless words and phrases lurked the dark monster of racism, sexism, and other forms of intolerable bigotry. Many words we'd grown up using were no longer allowed. Even words which I always thought were polite terms were verboten. "Negro," which to this day strikes me as a perfectly nice word (much nicer than "black" to my ear) is now no longer allowed. Neither is "colored people," although "people of color" is okay. (By the way, thanks a lot for that one, Jesse.) Can't call women "girls" either. Ten years ago, a gay friend informed me that "homosexual" is offensive and that the proper term is "gay." Some have informed me that "gays" is offensive, the polite plural term being "gay people." Oh yeah, and now the term "oriental" is a red-hot slur, and we have to say "Asian."
Then there's Indian. The only Indians are from India. If we're talking about one of the tribal peoples who inhabited North America before the white boys showed up, it's "Native American." As it happens, I have a dollop of Native American blood in me, but I despise that term. So do a lot of full-blooded "Native Americans." Yet, I feel like I have to use it just so someone won't give me grief.
That brings me to the whole Hyphenated-American thing. Oy gevalt, don't get me started on that one! If I meet another African-American, Native-American, Scottish-American, Irish-American, Italian-American, Polish-American, etc. I think I'll puke. I'm Irish-American, Dutch-American, German-American, Native-American (or should that be Native American-American?), and several other Hyphen-Americans on top of that. My son can add Polish-American to the list. So what is he? Mongrel-American?
The older I get, the more reactionary I get about this supposedly "progressive" assault on the language. I want to snarl every time someone corrects me about the latest "offensive" term I must stop using. No One Will Truly Be Free until the English language is purged of all evil terms, right? Growl!
Okay, enough. I rant more about this in my Inscrutable Occidental article, if you want to read more. But here's my point, and my message to--YES! OH MY GOD I'M ACTUALLY GOING TO SAY IT (ARE YOU READY?)--here's my message to my Jewish Friends (Hahaaaa! Jewish Friends! Jewish Friends! I have Jewish Friends! Free at last, free at last, thank God almighty I'm free at last!):
To my JEWISH FRIENDS (tee-hee!): thanks for not forcing me to change everything and start calling you Hebrews, or Israelites, or Kosher-Americans, or Non-Arab Palestinian-Americans. Thanks for just being Americans (if you are Americans) and most of all, thanks for just damn well being Jews. You were Jews before I was born, you were Jews when I was a kid, and now I'm in my 30s and you're still Jews. With any luck, you'll still be Jews long after I die.
In all sincerity and from the bottom of my heart: thanks for that. Yasher koach!
I wish I could say something good and constructive here but I am laughing so much because I am the old lady that was born in 1950 that enjoys reading your articles.
I have been through so much of this. Hell, I remember when my parents said they were so Gay. Of course they were referring to a state of mind!
I was born on a border town in Texas & grew up with fine mexicans and had many for friends. Now it is hispanic & I fight that every time I am around one of these people. I just have to say so where in Mexico are you from, I usually get a smile & they tell me somewhere in Mexico. Of course many thousands were born here in the United States as so many of my friends are. I am living in Chicago, a big melting pot of all nationalities.
I am multi-cultured I guess, having Irish, German, French, Indian. I just never dreamed all of this would happen in our society. So I found myself laughing at this article that was so well written & you are right, a jew is a jew & God love them.
When I was more into Judaism, (read as "before the age of 12") I remember there was this song we sang in sunday school (nu? when else is a convenient time? of course it'd be on sunday!) "Jewish is more than a bagel" and it went on to itemize all the things that are cool about being jewish, but how it doesn't stop there. Another theme I remember, is that to be Jewish is to be a part of a specific culture - one with many factions and subgroups who disagree and fight each other and don't always consider each other to be worth bothering with, but still one parent culture. Being black just means that your ancestry traces back to Africa. Being a "Native American" just means you're descended from one of those 500 nations of pre-european peoples of the americas--but there is no single term for all of them, except - people who were native to the americas. (named after the European adventurer who "discovered" some of the americas, Amerigo Vespucci. Indians is generally no more offensive than Native American, as both are not the name of the nation of origion.
To be TRULY PC, blacks should be identified by their tribe and country of origion.... but you can see the ridiculousness of that, they've been long gone. Indians were either allowed to stay on their homelands, or moved from them but kept oral history. Their cultures were preserved, where the blacks were obliterated.
But of all the Wandering People, the jews were the most successful in preserving a cultural heritage down the millennia. Israelite is defined by Merriam Webster as: a descendant of the Hebrew patriarch Jacob; specifically : a native or inhabitant of the ancient northern kingdom of Israel Jew is: 1 a : a member of the tribe of Judah b : ISRAELITE 2 : a member of a nation existing in Palestine from the 6th century B.C. to the 1st century A.D. 3 : a person belonging to a continuation through descent or conversion of the ancient Jewish people 4 : one whose religion is Judaism.
Definition 3 is an important distinction - Jewish is a culture, a people, and a religion. Islam is similar in this respect, but they tend to have more violent intragroup conficts. Still, all Muslims kneel to Mecca.
You may think of your jewish friends as friends who may have a slightly different perspective... some of them may be more educated than your goyish friends, as education and reading and QUESTIONING have always been values encouraged in judaism. I truly identified myself as a Jew, the day I found out that I didn't have to have faith in God. It was ok to doubt.
It was also OK for Lot to dicker God down, as our God could be held accountable.
Whew, a little off topic.
Dean, this is funny. As a Jewish woman (and one of those hyphenates you mock in the piece), I was not offended, however right on the edge - which is what great humor should be.
"Jewish is more than a bagel" -- yes, of course! You need the lox and cream cheese (and maybe a little tomato and onion... oh man, I better stop, I'm drooling on my keyboard).
Seriously, that was meant as a joke. Mosly. ;-)
Since when do Jews go to Sunday School? Isn't shabbat on Saturday?
Yeah, jews can go to Sunday school - Shabbat is a day of rest. Do you think it's restful to chase after 2 dozen kids and try to teach them jewish traditions, on a day when they should have off from school?
The main problem of "PC speak" is that it simply replaces one term with another, but does nothing in actuality to make the replacement terms any less racist. The term "black" (or "colored") is as simple as that, it denotes a black-skinned person. The term is simply descriptive but when it is used as more than a description of a person's skin color (to describe a community of people or a culture, for example) it can be prejudicial or "racist". However, no mere drop-in replacement can change that. If you make "african-american" just another term for "black" then you have changed *nothing*. In fact, you have made things worse because, for example, not all black people are african. You could change "the word you call black people" to "sblorp" and it would still not change a damn thing if you used it the same way. The problem is not terminology, it is in the necessity of using such a descriptive term and the intent behind the words. Why is it necessary to even consider describing a person's skin color as a predominant feature? Sometimes it is, but often it isn't. How often do you hear people being described as african-american when it is completely immaterial? When you hear people say "african-american" consider changing the world to "black" to hear the truth behind the words and see how often people that use PC speak are not saying anything different or less racist than those who don't.
In short we should not look to sugar-coated terms that really mean the same thing underneath to ameliorate prejudice, it is the least important aspect of prejudice and it wastes time to dicker over it.
As someone at least nominally Jewish (we were the only Jewish family in the town where I grew up, and I thought for a long time that being Jewish meant you got to go fishing or hunting while everyone else had to go to church), I had no trouble at all with your "Jew" post. But then, I'm not much of a Jew.
nice work