Author Says Divorced/Separated Dads Owe Their Exes a Mother’s Day Gift
This article by Rebecca Eckler, author of Toddlers Gone Wild!, is so offensive in so many ways it’s hard to know where to begin.
Here’s one. Rebecca writes:
“On behalf of my four-year-old, who has a Yahoo account in her name, I recently sent an e-mail to her father, who lives in Alberta.
“‘Hi Daddy,’ I typed, as my daughter was fast asleep. ‘Mommy has been talking about Mother’s Day. I only have 143 pennies in my piggy bank. She’s the best mommy ever. She’s been pretty exhausted. I’d like to get her something nice. Can you help? Love you.’
“It was a slightly pathetic, but possibly cute, way of reminding my daughter’s father about Mother’s Day.
“On what is perhaps the Hallmark holiday of all Hallmark holidays, what’s a single mother to do to get some sort of recognition? It’s certainly not going to come from a child who still licks glue and is too young to understand the concept.
“But modern single mothers, whether they’ve chosen to be single, still get along with the father of their children, or have no contact with the father at all, are finding new ways to make Mother’s Day special (and, in some cases, more fruitful)…
“As for me, the e-mail worked. I’ll be at a spa, thanks to my four-year-old’s request via her mother’s e-mail.”
I love that–mom is so entitled to even more of dad’s money that she brags in the national media about her need to “remind my daughter’s father about Mother’s Day,” as if it’s his problem.
Here’s another:
“All mothers of young children rely on gifts made by someone else. For the single mom, feeling the need for something more than a crumpled card in a knapsack - something that comes with a gift receipt - presents a particular dilemma. You can’t very well hand over $20 to your three year-old to do your shopping.
“So some have learned to lobby on their own behalf.
“‘I’ve drilled it into him,’ says Toronto-based Vanessa Craft, the author of Out of Character, about her three-year-old daughter’s father, who lives in England.
“Growing up, Mother’s Day, like most holidays, had always been recognized in my house. So it’s a big deal. I even remind my daughter’s father that on her birthday I should also get something, for the fact that I gave birth,’ Ms. Craft says.
“‘Her dad knows to make me cards, at the very least, on behalf of our daughter,’ says Ms. Craft, adding, ‘I’ve never had a bad Mother’s Day being a single mom.’”
Huh? Her ex owes her a Mother’s Day gift?
One other note–in both cases (Rebecca Eckler and Vanessa Craft) the children are very young and the fathers live far away. Rebecca dumped the father of her child, to whom she was engaged to be married, for another man. I don’t know what happened in Vanessa’s case, but statistically the odds are good that she was the one who initiated the divorce/breakup. In both cases it was probably the women who moved away. So having already severed most of the loving bonds between the fathers and their little children, the women now feel deprived and entitled to even more from dad.
Here’s a third section:
“Stacey Otis, a single mother of three, says that without a partner there is ’such a greater connection with your children,’ and that Mother’s Day is always ‘awesome.’
“She celebrates the day at her house, or at one of her siblings’ houses, and has turned it into ‘Family Mother’s Day.’
“Unlike many of my mother friends, who moan about husbands forgetting Mother’s Day entirely, or who complain about partners not even giving them two hours of alone time, Ms. Otis says, ‘My Mother’s Days are always special. When my kids get excited to give me what they made at school, it’s like gold. When you know all you have is each other, it makes the day really special.’”
So Stacey Otis’ kids are better off because they don’t have a dad? That’s odd, since being without a dad greatly increases their chances for most youth pathologies, including drugs, crime, teen pregnancy, and dropouts.
And of course Stacey is better off, because all of her friends’ husbands are louts who spend much of the their time working to support their wives and children. And Stacey’s excessively critical female attitude probably gives you a good clue as to why her and Rebecca’s and Vanessa’s relationships ended, too.
The full article is–get this–Get what you want this Mother’s Day. Twist the ex’s arm (Globe and Mail, 5/6/08). To write a Letter to the Editor of the Globe and Mail about this piece, click on Letters@globeandmail.com.
Glenn Sacks, www.GlennSacks.com
[Note: If you or someone you love is faced with a divorce or needs help with child custody, child support, false accusations, Parental Alienation, or other family law or criminal law matters, ask Glenn for help by clicking here.]
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16 comments
Was this four year old’s father really so stupid as to believe that email was from his four year old daughter?
So, it’s not the mother’s fault for trying to deceive the father, it’s the father’s fault for not seeing through the deception.
Nice, Mikeca.
Remember that next time you get fucked over.
Actually, Kevin, I thought the very same thing as Mike. Not that there is any "fault" per se at all on his part, and I absolutely do not agree with these females’ tactics, but come on, do you honestly think a grown man could be deceived by this, that he would actually think a 4-year-old could write such a coherent email? There may be very few 4-YOs who could, but the most likely thing is that the father knew it was from his ex and just decided to shrug it off. Again, no fault of his, only her’s.
Indeed. The man obviously knew it was really from his ex-wife, thought it was cute, and sent her to a spa. Almost certainly they are on decent terms and she knew the request would be well-received before she sent it. Not all divorces are acrimonious.
Besides, she’s relatively attractive, so by Man Law, it’s okay…
J.A. Eddy’s last blog post..One Day At A Time
I guess my wife is a statistical outlier, but she believes that Mother’s Day is something for children and their mothers. As she’s not my mother, she doesn’t expect anything beyond a ‘Happy Mothers Day’ greeting from me.
Our son, on the other hand, had best remember… a phone call, a card; it doesn’t take much, but it cannot be forgotten without serious unhappiness.
Happily for both of us and our four children, Stefi and I have strength of character and we never needed to play lowdown tricks with one another to make sure all our family’s needs got taken care of.
"Needs", of course, does not imply "wants". So I can’t say we ever were in position to spoil the hell out of any one of the four. But they all got fed, clothed, housed, educated, kept on the straight and narrow as Stefi and I understood that, and we gave them the companionship that is irreplaceable in turning your children into your closest lifelong friends as well. And yes,we gave them love as well as companionship.
Not all men and women are in position to do that. And feeling uncharacteristically charitable today, I will not jump to conclusions about this unfortunate young woman referenced in Glenn Sacks’ post. Even if she caused her own problems; which appears to be the case.
Arnold Harris
Mount Horeb WI
There’s nothing in this post that indicates the father "knew" it was the mother sending the e-mail and it seems that Mr. Sacks agrees with me.
And all we know is that she went to a spa, not that the father paid for a spa specifically. Hell, I can send my wife to a spa for $40!
Talk about reading into a post. Why don’t you just re-write it and say dad sprung for a trip to Paris. It’s as accurate as your account!
J.A. Eddy: While she’s definitely attractive in body, there’s an ugliness of spirit expressed through her actions that is more than off-putting.
Now, if there were even a hint that her acts were purely a joke, that everyone understood them as such, it might be a different story.
I guess I’m with mikeca and cardeblu. I suspect the father probably knew.
If a judge had ordered him to send his ex to the spa based on the email, then I’m outraged. But he did so of his own volition, so what.
She is his Ex. I believe the xpression is "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
J.A.
I guess that the Man Laws that I adhere to strictly ban submission to shameless manipulation by the ladies…ESPECIALLY the hot ones.
Why do they expect ownership of my balls and my money?
Kevin:
The child is FOUR years old. At that age most just have the letters down and maybe a few words.
But you expect that a FATHER would believe that their child could write:
"Mommy has been talking about Mother’s Day. I only have 143 pennies in my piggy bank. She’s the best mommy ever. She’s been pretty exhausted. I’d like to get her something nice. Can you help? Love you.’"
With PERFECT punctuation and everything?? At FOUR?? Really?? Dude, I’m 35 and I still can’t get punctuation right.
The guy knew the e-mail came from the ex-wife. I mean, do you really think he’s that stupid??
I get what Glenn is trying to do. He’s like the Media Matters of Father’s rights. Thats all fine. But come on!
The father knew.
How many 4 year olds do you know with their own Yahoo! accounts??
If that lady was really trying to deceive her ex, don’t you think she would have messed up a few words??
I agree with the basic idea that it’s weird to expect Mother’s Day gifts from your ex (or at all, really, when it comes to gifts of monetary value, although I love the little crafts I’ve gotten over the last few years) but I agree with all who say it was just a cutesy way of present-grubbing. My son is five and quite advanced for his age, and there is no way in hell that he could ever produce that email. I find it totally implausible that this was intended as a genuine impersonation or a trick. There is nothing whatsoever in the article that indicates that the man in question was actually deceived. Manipulated, maybe, but deceived, no. (There are people out there who really believe that the average four-year-old can spell "exhausted" correctly?)
The "Media Matters of father’s rights?" Oy. That stings. But I’ll keep my mouth shut. But let’s just say I think Glenn would be thrilled to have even a tenth the money and exposure that they do.
Anyway, I would agree that the woman was being manipulative, not deceitful. That said, it’s still a little irksome.
Yeah, maybe comparing him to MM was a little bit of an insult, but I did not intend it to be.
OK, fair enough.
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